On Wednesday, October 19, and Friday, October 21, internationally recognized author and speaker Ms. Rosalind Wiseman addressed the Hill community about issues that are an inevitable part of boarding school life. Ms. Wiseman, who recently appeared on “Anderson Cooper 360” to talk about bullying, gave an engaging presentation about things all teenagers have to face on a regular basis including bullying, confrontation, and relationships.

Wednesday evening's talk was directed at students experiencing boarding school life.  Ms. Wiseman identified happiness as the ultimate emotion every student should experience, but stated that conflict is an inevitability that will cause people to become unhappy; the ability to manage conflict, she said, is the greatest power a person can have.

Ms. Wiseman then presented students with various conflict-causing scenarios such as gossip, teasing, and jealousy, and offered several possible solutions and outcomes to conflict management. Natural responses to conflict, she said, are to try and disappear from the public eye; to act unaffected but in reality worry about the situation; or to plot revenge. Revenge, she said, should never be one’s top choice. Confronting the problem is necessary, but confrontation must be done tactfully with the following factors taken into consideration:

- What message am I sending if I avoid confrontation?
- How is their behavior impacting me?
- When and where is the proper time to confront?
- Feelings must be explained truthfully.
- Affirm the problem and acknowledge that you are unhappy.

In addition to talking about conflicts and conflict management, Ms. Wiseman also talked about different kinds of teasing, the challenge of speaking up when a friend is doing something one doesn’t agree with, and maintaining healthy, respectful co-ed relationships.

 

In her remarks to parents on Friday afternoon of Parents Weekend, Wiseman noted that parents’ relationships with their children can be positively enhanced when their children are a part of a community like The Hill School – a place where there is a network of other adults prepared to offer objective guidance. Similarly, parents should let their students know that asking for help with a problem is not weak, but smart.

Wiseman talked about how valuable it is for children and teenagers to develop “social competence” – even in using such tools as Facebook – and to learn through their social interactions that treating others with dignity is “non-negotiable.” Character becomes apparent when individuals treat others with dignity even when they are angry, she emphasized.

Wiseman told the Hill parents that she was very impressed with Hill’s students during small group workshops she held earlier in the week. “They are smart, and they are on the level,” she said, later adding, “The kids here are like family to each other.”

Her talk included tips for parents to use in opening up communication with their teenagers. Her suggestions include using “strategic timing,” or not bombarding teens – especially boys – with questions as soon as they get in the car after a game or heading home for a break. When a child approaches a parent about a situation, it’s good for the parent to first ask the child if he just wants to vent or if he wants advice right away.

Parents also need to apologize when they are wrong – and to say “I was wrong,” rather than “parents sometimes make mistakes.”